Hooked Read online

  He just took a deep breath and moved to where he was supposed to stand.

  There were only two people between him and Jenna, and she was behind him. She wasn’t nearby when he fell into place and when he glanced back to see if she was there a few minutes later, she was staring at a space off to the left of them.

  He wanted to talk to her, to tell her he was sorry and he never should have said or done half of what he had. He wanted to say how he would do anything to make it up to her, but it wasn’t the time.

  Right now they both had to stand in line and wait to be called up on stage. Then all they had to worry about was walking across the stage, taking a scroll, shaking the principal’s hand, and posing for pictures. Then it was more standing, a few speeches, a stupid song the student council had picked, and then caps were tossed and everything was over.

  He would talk to her then. When all was said and done and they were officially graduated, he would talk to her. Hopefully she would want to talk to him.

  * * * *

  The ceremony passed by in a blur, and Jenna barely remembered any of it. She’d gone through the motions on autopilot. Even as she’d been walking across the stage and posing for pictures she’d been numb and had barely seen anything outside the tunnel vision she’d developed.

  The only thing she vividly remembered was getting bumped from behind by Clay’s ex-girlfriend, and then looking right into his eyes.

  She didn’t know what she’d expected to see. A part of her had thought there would be disgust, and maybe a little horror and shock. She figured she’d see the same things she had the night of the party, but his eyes had been different.

  They’d been open and concerned. There had been some anxiety, but for the most part he’d seemed to want to see her and to see how she was doing.

  It was at that moment the reality of everything really hit her. She was pregnant and it was Clay’s baby. She would have to tell him. She would not only have to talk to him again, but she’d have to tell him the truth.

  She didn’t want to tell him. She didn’t want to have to tell anyone.

  She’d had sex one time, but because the condom had broken and the timing had been in the right window, she was pregnant. She was supposed to leave for college in two months, but then seven months later she would be having a baby? Around the time she should be getting ready for spring break she’d be nearing her due date, and she’d be having a baby.

  She wasn’t ready. She knew she wasn’t ready, and she was terrified of telling anyone. Her parents would die. They’d hate her and she couldn’t do that to them. Her brother was the fuckup; she was the good one. She couldn’t be the bigger fuckup.

  She also couldn’t ruin Clay’s life. They’d had a handful of conversations in the past four years and then one hookup. It wasn’t his fault the condom broke; it wasn’t his fault she wasn’t on birth control. They’d done what they were supposed to do, but it had failed.

  She should have gotten the morning-after pill, but she’d been too scared to ask for it. She didn’t want to go to her doctor and tell him what had happened, and she didn’t want her parents to wonder why she was making doctor’s appointments at the beginning of finals.

  She should have gotten the stupid pill and stopped everything before it had even started, but she’d been too afraid and hadn’t wanted to believe it could actually happen.

  She didn’t know what she wanted to do, what she could do. At that moment all she could think about was how her life was over, and the only options out there were ones she didn’t want to think about.

  She tried to keep her face neutral as she stood with the rest of the class, not even listening to the speeches and barely hearing the grad song they’d chosen. When everyone pulled off their caps and tossed them in the air with a cheer she followed suit, although she didn’t manage the cheer, or even a smile.

  That was it. She was officially a grad. High school was over. Her life was supposed to be just starting, but now it felt as if it was ending.

  She followed the herd of students as they went to the small, auxiliary gym and handed in their gowns. She didn’t even bother trying to find her cap, just grabbed the closest one to her before she moved with the crowd.

  She was grateful Kaylee and her captain were too busy to bother with her. She didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment. She just wanted to hand in her gown, get her deposit back, and then go home.

  “Jenna. Hi.”

  She looked over her shoulder, fighting the wave of panic that washed over her as she recognized the voice.

  “Clay.” She looked away from him.

  He looked amazing. Everything about him from the tight jeans he was wearing to the way his hair fell into his eyes was appealing and amazing, and she hated her body for responding to him.

  “Jenna, can we talk, please?”

  He looked so concerned and even scared, as though he was waiting for her to scream and start yelling obscenities at him.

  “Not here.” She shook her head.

  “Later?”

  “Sure.” She nodded reluctantly.

  “Tonight? Or do you have plans?”

  “Tonight is fine. I’m going out for dinner with my parents, but other than that I’m free.”

  “Do you want my number? You can call me when you’re done, and I can meet you somewhere.”

  “Sure.”

  He pulled a strip of paper out of his pocket and handed it to her. His number was already written on it.

  “Tonight?”

  “Tonight.” She nodded and watched as he turned and walked away.

  She just took another deep breath and tried to calm down. She needed to get a hold of herself. She had to go out with her parents to celebrate. Then she had to tell Clay he was going to be a father.

  * * * *

  She didn’t know what she was going to do.

  She was staring at the phone in her hand. She didn’t have a cell phone, mostly because she didn’t really have all that many people to talk on the phone with. Her parents had offered to get her one, but she’d never bothered.

  Kaylee had one so she could just borrow hers if she needed to call home. If she wasn’t with Kaylee, then she was probably alone and at home. Her parents had given her her own line, so she never had to worry about someone else picking up the call and had complete privacy.

  She didn’t know if Clay had a phone. She didn’t imagine he would, but she really had no idea. She was afraid to call him. She didn’t want to talk to him, and she really didn’t want to risk talking to his mother or grandparents if they answered the phone first.

  A part of her wanted to tell him over the phone and then hang up and hope he didn’t call back, but this wasn’t the sort of thing you broke to someone over the phone.

  She had to call him.

  She’d managed to keep composed and personable over dinner. She’d laughed and talked and joked and tried to pretend she was fine and nothing was wrong. She thought she’d done an admirable job. If her parents had noticed anything off they hadn’t said anything or acted any different.

  Thankfully she was so early in the pregnancy that she didn’t have a single symptom other than not getting her period and popping positive on a test. Her appetite was fine; her body still looked and worked the exact same way. No one would ever be able to tell just by looking at her.

  After pretending and putting so much effort into not telling anyone and not letting them know the truth, she was exhausted. She didn’t know how much acting she had left in her. She had to tell him.

  Another part of her wanted to just not tell him. She didn’t want to talk to him about it until she’d decided what she was going to do, but that wasn’t right. They might not have any real connection or relationship, but he deserved to know the truth.

  Taking a deep breath, she dialed the number from the paper and waited as it rang.

  “Hello?”

  “Clay?”

 
“Jenna. Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  “Are you home now?”

  “Yeah, we’re done.”

  “Do you want to meet, go for coffee or something?”

  “Um…”

  “Or we could just go somewhere quiet and talk.”

  “Yeah, that’s probably best.”

  “I can get my mom’s car. I can pick you up.”

  “Sure.”

  “An hour, okay? I’m just helping my grandpa with something and don’t want to leave him hanging.”

  “Sure, that’s fine.”

  “What’s your address?”

  “2120 Maple Leaf Lane.”

  “Great, I’ll see you in an hour.”

  “Sure. I’ll meet you outside.”

  “Great, so I’ll see you then.”

  “Great.”

  She heard the connection go dead and sighed as she put down the phone. That hadn’t been as awkward as she’d thought it would be, but it had been awkward.

  She might as well take a shower while she waited. The hot water would relax her, and she needed to relax.

  * * * *

  The shower had helped. It had calmed her down, but it had also made her even more tired. By the time she’d gotten dried off and dressed, the hour had almost been up, so she’d just headed outside to meet him. She’d told her parents at dinner she was going out for a bit after, and they’d been fine with it. A quick shout that she was headed out was all they needed to hear.

  It was a cool night. The air was a little crisp, and she should have worn a sweater or something over her T-shirt. She hoped his car was warmer than the outside, but she didn’t want to be in his car too long.

  She was just contemplating going back inside to grab a sweater when an older model car pulled up in front of her house.

  Taking a deep breath, she tightened her grip on her purse, trying vainly to expend some of her nervous energy, and headed out to the car.

  “Hi,” he said as he leaned over and opened the car door, pushing it from the inside.

  “Hi.” She climbed in the car and buckled herself into her seat.

  She could barely look at him as she rolled up the window. She still had no idea what she was going to say to him.

  “Are you cold?”

  “A little.” She sneaked a glance at him and saw he was staring at her.

  He rolled up his window and put the car in gear.

  “Any place you want to go?”

  “Not really.”

  “Somewhere we can talk, maybe?”

  “Sure.”

  He pulled away from her house. She just stared out the window as he drove. The route was familiar, and she figured out where they were going about two minutes before they reached their destination.

  “School?” she asked as he parked in the back student lot.

  “It’s the only place I can think of that will be empty and quiet.” He turned off the car and leaned back in his seat.

  “It was a good thought.” She was still lost. She had no idea what to say.

  “I honestly don’t know how to start this conversation.” He sighed.

  “Same.” She looked at him and took a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “For which part?” She started rubbing her hands on her jeans, needing the tactile distraction. “For getting angry at me for having sex with you, for freaking out at me when the condom broke, or for running away and leaving me in there to deal with everything by myself?”

  “Everything.” He looked as if he was trying to find the words to say what he was thinking. “I panicked. I freaked out, and I lashed out at you. That wasn’t right.”

  “You really hurt me. I’m sorry for not telling you how you were my first, but I still don’t understand why you freaked out like you did.”

  “I don’t know how to say this.” He sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes as he shook his head.

  “Try just being direct, and honest.”

  “I swore I’d never be with a virgin.”

  “Why? Because I was so bad you—”

  “You were anything but bad, Jenna.” He cut her off, shaking his head. “I didn’t want to be that guy.”

  “What guy?”

  “The asshole a girl regrets. Your first time should have been better than a quick fuck in a spare bedroom in the middle of the party. When you think back on it you’re going to regret it, and you’re going to regret me.”

  “Maybe I wouldn’t have,” she pointed out. “If you hadn’t freaked out at me. Then it wouldn’t have been this horrible experience. I chose to, I wanted to, and I told you to. That was my choice, and then because of your own hang-up you make me feel like some sort of slut for making my choice.”

  “I’m sorry.” He hung his head.

  “Would you have freaked out like that if the condom hadn’t broken?”

  “Not as bad, but probably.”

  “I don’t understand why. The sex was great, really great—”

  “I didn’t hurt you?”

  “A little, but I expected some pain.” That was a lie. There had been a lot of pain, but telling him wouldn’t help the situation, so why bother.

  “I should have been more gentle. I never should have done that.”

  “You’re acting like you forced me. You didn’t, and you need to cut the martyr shit out. The only one who ruined things was you, and it was afterward. You freaked out, and you were an asshole, but only after the fact.”

  He just looked at her silently.

  “Why are you so sure you did something wrong? What made you believe a virgin couldn’t want to be with you, or actually enjoy it and look back on it as a positive moment?”

  There was a long pause where he just stared at her, and she was afraid he would clam up and not tell her. Eventually he sighed and nodded slightly.

  “A lot of people started talking after I was arrested, but no one knows the exact reason.”

  “True. Everyone said it was for drunk driving or fighting.”

  “It wasn’t either of those.”

  “Why were you arrested, Clay?”

  “I was only sixteen. I was a minor, so they couldn’t let the charges get out. I was protected by my age.”

  “I figured as much.”

  “I was arrested for sexual assault.”

  “What?” She just stared at him. “I’m assuming you weren’t guilty if they let you go.”

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “What happened?”

  “I had sex with the wrong girl. It was her first time, and she wanted it. It was a onetime thing. It was just a hook-up, and I thought it was over. Her mom read about it in her diary, and to cover her own ass she lied and said I raped her. I was arrested. They started to investigate, but she recanted her story, and they had to cut me free.”

  She just stared at him, completely in shock. She couldn’t imagine what he must have gone through, and his reaction to her was starting to make a little sense.

  “Who was it?” She had to know.

  “I don’t want to say. There’s no point.”

  “Okay.”

  “That kind of made me gun-shy of virgins. I swore I would never be with another one, ever, and then I didn’t even realize it with you. When I saw the blood I just flashed back to all of that, and I panicked.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong, Clay. You didn’t force me, or coerce me, and I would never have said you did—”

  “I know. You had tons of chances. With all the stupid rumors going around—”

  “You were an asshole, but you didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do.”

  “I’m sorry, Jenna. I really am.”

  “I believe you.” She looked down at her hands and sighed. “You don’t have to keep telling me you are.”

  After everything she’d just heard she had no idea how she was going to tell him she was preg
nant. She didn’t know how to start the conversation, and she didn’t think she was going to be able to get the words out to tell him.

  “What else is bothering you, Jenna?” he asked as he looked closely at her.

  “Nothing. I’m fine.” She forced herself to smile and shook her head. “Thank you for telling me the truth and explaining everything.”

  “I’m just glad you were able to listen.”

  “I’m a little tired. Do you think you could take me home?”

  “Sure.” He started up the car and gave her a tentative smile. “Are we cool?”

  “We’re cool.”

  Chapter 4

  Alone

  JENNA was a lot better at hiding things than she originally thought she’d be. She’d always been a terrible liar. Her eyes gave her away whenever she tried. She knew this so she tried a different approach. Instead of lying she would just tell a half-truth.

  If someone asked how she was feeling, she would be honest and say she was tired or a little off. She wouldn’t tell them why. Fortunately no one had asked.

  Her friends were busy. Everyone was getting ready to pack up their lives and go to school, so there wasn’t much in the way of socializing, especially since Kaylee and her captain were having a summer fling before they each left for different schools.

  Her parents worked and her brother had already moved out, so she didn’t really have to see anyone during the day. At night she spent her time alone, trying not to think about what was going on in her body while simultaneously trying to figure out what she was going to do.

  She still couldn’t believe it had happened. She couldn’t believe she’d had sex once, and she’d ended up in this position.

  Other than Clay’s reaction and subsequent mad dash out of the door, it had been nice. She still thought about it, still remembered everything that had happened between them. She remembered how strong he’d been when he’d caught her, and how kind he’d been when he’d helped her find a place to sit down. She remembered how he’d talked with her and had seemed open and friendly again, and then there had been that look in his eyes.

  It was a look she’d never seen before. Even just thinking about it now made a tingle run through her body. She’d loved it. She’d loved how aggressive he’d been, and how he had shown her how much he wanted her. She liked how he hadn’t rushed, how he’d touched her and given her pleasure before he took his own. Every time she thought about that moment a flush would move over her cheeks and her temperature would rise.